I stopped writing because I just had too much going on in my head, to put it in written form. I was dealing with too many emotions to risk writing, or I might have vomitted all over blogger. I didn't want to do that. So, I withdrew. There it is.
I have thought about writing frequently...sometime the thought came so strongly. Maybe I should have. But I didn't. But here I am now, writing. I hope it comes out alright.
On April 1st, the Chief and I received the worse ever April Fool's Day message. His employer told him he was being laid off, effective April 15th. I didn't believe him when he told me. I think it took him telling me 5-6 times before I realized that it was real. No April Fool's Day joke. After the denial passed, we both felt calm and assured. We would weather this storm. He was sure that he would find a better job, with a better employer, with better pay within 6 weeks. He was confident, and he was busy...reaching out, applying. Despite the recession, there were a number of local jobs for him to apply for. Almost immediately, he was invited in for interviews. He went to so many, even second interviews...but no offers came.
I began increasing my hours at my second job, and gave thanks that the option was even there for us to do so. Soon, school got out. The boys were excited to have their dad home with them. Still he applied for jobs, and still went to interviews. We decided for them to go to IL for the Skelly Family reunion, as we had planned. We had saved the money for the trip and both of us felt good about it. I stayed home, so I could work, since we couldn't afford for me to take the time off.
June passed.
Then July.
We have remained optimistic. But then....the interviews stopped coming...a week went by, then two. The news about the economy kept getting worse. And I began to feel so much anxiety. So much stress. I didn't talk much. I stopped going to the gym other than taking the boys to the swimming pool. I worked a lot. I ate a lot. I felt discouraged.
August arrived. With it, my oldest turned 12. I will write another, happier post about that! My parents arrived for my nephew's wedding. I will write yet another post about that! It helped a little to have my parents here. For the Chief and I to talk with them and counsel with them.
And here we are...the last weekend before school starts. The Chief was invited to a job interview. The company corporate office is in NC and they are flying him out there this week. It sounds like a good job. It is for a HR Manager position, with a large, stable company. I don't want to get my hopes up for the job. But then if he does get the offer...well then we have another dilemma to face...the job is in Evanston...exactly 98 miles from our home.
So, you can see why I have kept quiet...why I have been doing a lot of meditating this summer. A lot of praying.
I guess I wasn't sure I would want my boys to read this post whether a week from now, or years from now, and feel the anxiety I have been feeling for the past few months. I hope they haven't guessed it. I have tried to hide it from them.
I'm trying to remain optimistic...the right job is just around the corner, with the right company. In the meantime, if I am kinda quiet, you'll have an idea why.
